Mark and Lisa had been married for eight years. Lately, tension simmered beneath their quiet dinners and short conversations. Mark, a peacekeeper by nature, avoided difficult talks, thinking silence would maintain harmony. Lisa, feeling unheard, grew resentful.
One evening, after another unresolved argument, Lisa gently said, “We can’t keep pretending. I want peace, but real peace—the kind that comes from understanding, not silence.”
That night, they opened the Bible together and read James 3:17. Tears flowed as they realized they had been leaning on worldly wisdom—self-protection, pride, avoidance—instead of God's. They prayed for wisdom from above and committed to hard but healing conversations.
In time, their marriage changed. They didn’t argue less, but they fought fair—with grace, listening, and a shared desire to restore. They had become peacemakers, rooted in God’s Word, producing a harvest of righteousness together.
Conflict is a natural part of every relationship, especially in marriage. But how couples respond to conflict often determines whether they grow stronger or grow apart. Navigating this well takes more than just good intentions—it takes wisdom.
While the world offers quick fixes—like avoiding tough conversations, staying silent to keep the peace, or prioritizing being “right”—these approaches often stem from self-protection and fear. They may bring short-term relief, but they rarely create lasting connection.
In contrast, wisdom that’s both emotionally healthy and spiritually grounded invites us to face conflict with humility, clarity, and compassion. James 3:17 describes this kind of wisdom as “pure, peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” Whether you draw from faith, therapy, or both, the path to healing is one of truth and grace—not avoidance.
Peacekeeper vs. Peacemaker in Marriage
There's an important difference between keeping peace and making peace:
Peacekeepers avoid conflict to maintain surface harmony. They might stay silent during disagreements or bottle up feelings to prevent tension. Over time, this leads to unresolved issues, emotional distance, and resentment.
Peacemakers, however, engage with conflict in a healthy, intentional way. They don’t seek to “win” arguments, but to restore connection. They address the root of the issue rather than just managing the symptoms.
Being a peacemaker means doing the hard, healing work of repair. It’s both a biblical calling and a therapeutic tool for emotional intimacy.
Restore. Resolve. Root.
Here’s what peacemaking looks like in practice:
Restore vs. Avoid: Don’t run from discomfort. Emotional healing comes when we take responsibility, offer forgiveness, and invite mutual repair.
Resolve vs. Prevent: Avoiding conflict isn’t the goal—growing through it is. Strength comes from facing challenges together and learning from them.
Root vs. Surface: Real peace digs deep. Ask honest questions, name emotions, and explore the deeper patterns beneath the conflict.
How Do You Grow in Wisdom?
Wisdom comes from experience, reflection, and often—faith. Scripture offers timeless guidance, but so does therapy, communication work, and emotional self-awareness. Together, these tools help couples regulate emotions, build empathy, and grow spiritually and relationally.
Try this: set aside time weekly to read the Bible or a relationship resource together. Pray or reflect. Talk about what you’re learning. Let wisdom guide your healing.
Be a Peacemaker in Your Marriage
Healthy relationships need truth, not silence. They need restoration, not suppression. With God’s wisdom and emotional tools, couples can experience not just peace—but deep, lasting connection.
💛 Want to grow together? Download our free “10 Relational Tips From a Marriage & Family Therapist” and take the first step toward greater wisdom, connection, and peace in your marriage.